Dorothy was on to something

There really is no place like home.

I've always considered myself somewhat of a rolling stone.  While most of my family and friends have lived in the same state all their lives and rarely leave it, I left home at the ripe old age of 17 and began a journey of not living in the same state for more than a year or two that has lasted nearly a decade now (damn, I'm getting old). 

I spent summers traveling to different countries, and then traveling all throughout those countries; I picked up my whole life and moved from one coast to the other on a whim. I pride myself on being a "road warrior", having spent the night in over 40 states, and never needing even a day's notice to be ready for a weekend adventure to another timezone.  I even joined the military with the (completely idealistic) notion that traveling and relocating would be part of my contractual obligation.  Traveling is the only passtime I can ever think of when I fill out a questionnaire that asks "What are your hobbies?"  Because, sadly, I do nothing else exciting or fulfilling with my life.

And while I always came home after a month or three away, I always thought the only thing I was missing was my family (and friends). So three years ago, when my parents (and nephew) relocated to Dallas from Richmond, I started to consider "home", their new house.

After all, home is where the heart is, right? And I know my heart belongs to a little boy in a wheelchair, so when I thought I was feeling "homesick", I figured I was just missing him.

But recently, it occured to me that the feeling I had been experiencing all that time wasn't homesickness at all.  I was feeling "whatever the noun is for really missing someone who's not at home".  They really need to make a good noun for that.  Homesickness. is what I'm feeling right now. 

It's been 1 year and 4 months since I've stepped foot in the state of Virginia.  And for the most part, I've seen many of the people I used to go "home" to see within that time frame (although there are many I have not seen and miss terribly).  What is really making me heartbroken to the point of figurative illness is this longing I have for the smells, the tastes, the feelings, the sounds, the general existence of being in the place from which I came.  The place that made me who I am today.  The church I was raised in, the preacher I grew up with, the streets I ran down, the restaurants I ate at, the familiar faces I got used to, the house(s) I grew up in, and every other prepositional phrase that the teachers who taught me in the schools that shaped me would shake their finger at me for using in succession like that.  I. miss. home.

There's something really essential to the healing of our souls in not only remembering where you come from, but in every once in awhile, going back there.  And I'm thinking it's about time - as a matter of fact, it's way overdue - that I go home.

Homesickness is a real thing.  And it has a lot to do with the PEOPLE you call home.  But it also has to do with the PLACE you mention when people ask you, "Where are you from?"

There's no place like home. 

Isn't it ironic that I had to come to Kansas to figure that one out? =)

525,600 Minutes

I haven't even looked at this site in about 3 months, but something inside told me to sign on here today. Now I know why.

It has been exactly 1 whole year since I last posted on this blogsite.

In a way, it makes me sad. Sad, because this is something near and dear to my heart, and I feel like I've abandoned it. I feel like a mother who gave her child up for adoption when he was 2, only to come back when he's 3 and say I'm clean now and want him back. Call me Halle Berryyyy. Okay, I'll stop.

But seriously. I feel like I have no right to come back to this place. Like I'm not welcome here anymore. Yet something, somewhere deep in my heart is pulling me back. So here I am.

365 days.

I have learned a lot in the past year. I've gone through a lot of changes, physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. In a lot of ways, I'm tougher, more strong-willed, and more determined than ever. Yet overall, I feel a peace that has come over me. One that comes with the realization that I have really begun to find my place in this world. The understanding that it doesn't have to be ME against THE WORLD. But in fact, I am just a tiny part of the universe that is within me. If that makes any sense (it doesn't).

I have all these lessons learned and mentalities changed and words of wisdom to share withput out into the blogosphere here today. But I feel like as a mother who's attempting to reclaim my child, I should probably sit in the room for awhile and see if he comes to me rather than just try and take off with him, kicking and screaming.

So here I am. If you'll have me. I will continue this conversation over the next couple of days.

But for the record, it's good to be back. =)