I haven't even looked at this site in about 3 months, but something inside told me to sign on here today. Now I know why. It has been exactly 1 whole year since I last posted on this blogsite.
In a way, it makes me sad. Sad, because this is something near and dear to my heart, and I feel like I've abandoned it. I feel like a mother who gave her child up for adoption when he was 2, only to come back when he's 3 and say I'm clean now and want him back. Call me Halle Berryyyy. Okay, I'll stop.
But seriously. I feel like I have no right to come back to this place. Like I'm not welcome here anymore. Yet something, somewhere deep in my heart is pulling me back. So here I am.
365 days.
I have learned a lot in the past year. I've gone through a lot of changes, physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. In a lot of ways, I'm tougher, more strong-willed, and more determined than ever. Yet overall, I feel a peace that has come over me. One that comes with the realization that I have really begun to find my place in this world. The understanding that it doesn't have to be ME against THE WORLD. But in fact, I am just a tiny part of the universe that is within me. If that makes any sense (it doesn't).
I have all these lessons learned and mentalities changed and words of wisdom to share withput out into the blogosphere here today. But I feel like as a mother who's attempting to reclaim my child, I should probably sit in the room for awhile and see if he comes to me rather than just try and take off with him, kicking and screaming.
So here I am. If you'll have me. I will continue this conversation over the next couple of days.
But for the record, it's good to be back. =)
