To me, you're worth it

Oh, come on, you know it was only a matter of time before I snuck a movie line in here somewhere. Don't you know me at all??

But seriously, in light of recent (awesome) incidents in my life, I thought I'd share my opinions on a common misconception amongst young women, and even sometimes men, when you first start dating: this whole idea that when things are so good, something bad must be on the way.

You know you've thought it. Might even be thinking it right now.

The reason we allow ourselves to endulge in such wasteful thought processes is not because we actually think all people are screwed up and will show their "true colors" (what does that mean anyway; are we all wearing fake colors? Can my true color be darker, cuz it's winter and I'm lookin a little pale these days) in due time; in fact, this notion is really just a mask for our subconscious realities. When actually, the thing that we really fear is that WE are not worth someone so great.

And that's just sad.

Because in the meantime, while we're putting up these walls, lowering our standards, and broadcasting our negative expectations, we are merely setting ourselves up for failure. It's called a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you assume someone is going to mess up, they'll do it just to prove you right. And honestly... what do we get out of knowing we were right, anyway? Does it feel ANY better to have your heart ripped out, just because you knew it was coming all along?? Allow me to answer that for you: no. It doesn't. It hurts just as bad. In fact, sometimes it hurts worse cuz your dumb ass knew it was coming all along, and stayed with that person anyway. So maybe we're all better off being blind optimists. At least, if they hurt us, we can say we never saw it coming... And if they don't hurt us, we're not cheering them on to do so in the meantime.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying just fall in love with everyone you meet. I mean, clearly, if there are red flags going up all over the place, and if your gut is telling you they're shady, you should probably go with your gut. But honestly, if someone is just right in every way, if they seem to call right when you want them to call, do exactly what you want them to do, like you just as much as you like them, you know... all the good stuff... Don't sell yourself short by assuming it's all too good to be true. Ever think they just might be thinking the same about you?? Ever think YOU might be too good to be true, too?

And why shouldn't you be? You're awesome. God made you in His image, which means you're kind, loving, intelligent, beautiful, and perfect in every way for someone out there... And if you happen to find them, don't go screwing it all up with your own insecurities. YOU ARE WORTH someone who treats you right, takes care of you, loves you for who you are, and trusts you with all their heart. THEY ARE WORTH you. And even if they're not, even if they end up being something different altogether... You can't allow the fear of losing keep you from playing the game. All things happen according to His will, so if it doesn't work, it will only mean that something better is out there for you.

Furthermore, you can walk away knowing that you gave it your all and didn't hold back. You can walk away knowing there is nothing you could have done differently that might have changed the outcome. You can walk away with your integrity. And that is worth so much more than being right.

Just take a chance. You never know how absolutely *perfect* something could turn out to be... You never know... it might just be worth it.

Cuz to me, you're worth it. ;)

True Fasting

So, as some of you know, I took my Lenten season fast to new heights this year. After talking with a good friend about active vs. passive fasting, I decided to go balls to the walls (probably not a good metaphor here), and take my spirituality to a whole new level. So during this new and improved fast, God has been really good to me, and has shown me all kinds of amazing things I would have never seen otherwise. I'd like to share some of that goodness with you.

Aside from recently aqcuired giddiness (assisted by a bittersweet end to my dating fast), God has given me a lot of peace of mind since my last (angry) post (sorry about that). I re-discovered that being happy with myself has nothing to do with the words or actions of others, and that maybe the problem I had with my "friends" was actually one that could be addressed within ME. It truly takes a bigger person to admit that. I am happy to oblidge.

Also, I have found that joining a small group at church, despite many years of resistance, has truly enlightened me and given me yet another reason for inner peace. I know there are people praying for me out there, I know I am held accountable for my actions by some very special individuals, I have people fasting with me (for once!), and most of all, as simple as it may sound, I know there's someone to sit with at church, so I have no excuse not to go!! You'd be surprised how important that can be. Motivation is essential in all aspects of life.

Furthermore, creating and leading a Christian group at RSPH has been a blessing in so many ways. I finally brought up GOD in class for the first time, and I felt good about it. I didn't feel like I was going to be attacked or ridiculed for my religious beliefs, and I knew that someone had my back because I recognized some people from the group in my class. It felt good just to say it out loud. I felt like I was coming out of the closet as a Christian. In fact, every day I feel more and more like I'm getting comfortable with being the "C" word. And I can't even believe I was ashamed or afraid in the first place. In fact, I can't believe we as a culture have been so afraid of the "C" word. It is truly as if Christianity is equivalent to Intollerance in our society, so much so that Christians fear offending people just by being who they are.

Sometimes, I understand white guilt. I understand feeling like as a majority, you have to be ashamed of your heritage and attempt to make up for others' mistakes by overcompensating and hiding in the shadows.

Allow me to be the first black person to say-- being white really sucks. I hate the feeling of having to hide or suppress my pride of being a majority. And I don't want to live that way anymore. I'm not GOING to live that way anymore. And neither should anyone else.

All this to say, I'm sorry for not posting in such a long time. School and work got me pretty tied up, but I haven't forgotten about you. Furthermore, I will be fasting until Easter, and what I know about fasting is that it allows you to reach new heights with your relationship with God and His ability to answer prayers if you're willing to make the sacrifice. So if any of you need prayer right now, PLEASE don't hesitate to ask. One thing I know is that prayer changes things; changes people.

I, for one, will never be the same.

True Fasting:

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=29&chapter=58&version=31