So, as some of you know, I took my Lenten season fast to new heights this year. After talking with a good friend about active vs. passive fasting, I decided to go balls to the walls (probably not a good metaphor here), and take my spirituality to a whole new level. So during this new and improved fast, God has been really good to me, and has shown me all kinds of amazing things I would have never seen otherwise. I'd like to share some of that goodness with you.Aside from recently aqcuired giddiness (assisted by a bittersweet end to my dating fast), God has given me a lot of peace of mind since my last (angry) post (sorry about that). I re-discovered that being happy with myself has nothing to do with the words or actions of others, and that maybe the problem I had with my "friends" was actually one that could be addressed within ME. It truly takes a bigger person to admit that. I am happy to oblidge.
Also, I have found that joining a small group at church, despite many years of resistance, has truly enlightened me and given me yet another reason for inner peace. I know there are people praying for me out there, I know I am held accountable for my actions by some very special individuals, I have people fasting with me (for once!), and most of all, as simple as it may sound, I know there's someone to sit with at church, so I have no excuse not to go!! You'd be surprised how important that can be. Motivation is essential in all aspects of life.
Furthermore, creating and leading a Christian group at RSPH has been a blessing in so many ways. I finally brought up GOD in class for the first time, and I felt good about it. I didn't feel like I was going to be attacked or ridiculed for my religious beliefs, and I knew that someone had my back because I recognized some people from the group in my class. It felt good just to say it out loud. I felt like I was coming out of the closet as a Christian. In fact, every day I feel more and more like I'm getting comfortable with being the "C" word. And I can't even believe I was ashamed or afraid in the first place. In fact, I can't believe we as a culture have been so afraid of the "C" word. It is truly as if Christianity is equivalent to Intollerance in our society, so much so that Christians fear offending people just by being who they are.
Sometimes, I understand white guilt. I understand feeling like as a majority, you have to be ashamed of your heritage and attempt to make up for others' mistakes by overcompensating and hiding in the shadows.
Allow me to be the first black person to say-- being white really sucks. I hate the feeling of having to hide or suppress my pride of being a majority. And I don't want to live that way anymore. I'm not GOING to live that way anymore. And neither should anyone else.
All this to say, I'm sorry for not posting in such a long time. School and work got me pretty tied up, but I haven't forgotten about you. Furthermore, I will be fasting until Easter, and what I know about fasting is that it allows you to reach new heights with your relationship with God and His ability to answer prayers if you're willing to make the sacrifice. So if any of you need prayer right now, PLEASE don't hesitate to ask. One thing I know is that prayer changes things; changes people.
I, for one, will never be the same.
True Fasting:
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