We went on a trip a few days ago to Masindi district in northwest Uganda to visit the first and largest national park in the country. Before going, we had to meet up at the camp site’s headquarters in Kampala to wait for our vehicle and get the other members in our party. So there was a picture of Murchison Falls on the wall, and I was like “Wow… we’re travelling all this way to see one little waterfall? I could have turned my shower on at home to see that.” So the first day, we saw some baboons and warthogs, hippos, and I’m like woot woot. The second day we went on a safari and saw some elephants, giraffes, crocodiles, and more hippos. We went on this 3 hour boat ride to the falls, and when we got there, I all but asked for my money back at the utter disappointment of it. I think even the picture looked better than the falls, which consisted of some water hitting some rocks in the distance. So yesterday, on the way home, we took a hike up the mountain to see the falls a bit closer. Still not impressed. Okay, a bit nicer, but come on. This place is on the top ten things to see before you die. And here I felt like this was some shit I could have created with a bucket and some rocks.
But then we went around the other side of the path, and got about 3 feet away from the falls. Right up to where the rivers collided and hit up against the mountains at such great speeds, it broke through granite rock and created about 4 to 5 rainbows all around it. And I literally stopped in my tracks, sat down to collect myself, and began to cry. I mean, I wasn’t sobbing like a baby or even tearing up all that much. But on the inside, I felt God right then and there, just wrap his arms around me and whisper in my ear the sweetest words of love I can’t even share.
Looking upon it, all I could think was, how could anyone deny that God exists? Nothing, no other power, could create such beauty and splendor. I remembered the day before, I said something along the lines of “I think the Taj Mahal or the pyramids should move up the list above this mess.” But as I was sitting there in complete and total amazement, I heard God tell me that nothing man has ever made could even compare to the wonders He has created on this earth. And it made me laugh… laugh that I was eating all the words I had been saying on the trip thus far. Laugh that the ten or fifteen minutes I spent staring at that waterfall was worth the time, money, and effort it took to get to that point. I laughed. Because all this time, I had been looking for God in Uganda.
And He was right there before my eyes all along.
It almost felt like, selfishly, it felt like God created that amazing display of His majesty so many years ago because He knew that at that moment, at that time, He would find me there. It made me think of His plans for me, and how I tend to try to control things or change things according to my own will, subconsciously thinking that I have to do things myself if I want them to happen. But how silly of me to think that a God who created the earth and the heavens with such magnificent detail, is incapable of accomplishing amazing things in my life and granting me all the desires of my heart. How naïve of me to assume that my plans are in any way better than His plans for me.
In the midst of all this, I thought about the things that I’ve had to witness thus far. The poverty, the injustice, the hunger, war, and despair in Uganda and in Africa as a whole. I thought about how all this time, I’ve been thinking why me? Why did I deserve to be born in a country where freedom is free, where war and hunger and poverty are the exception and not the rule, where clean air, water, and land were the bare necessity and not commodities? Why did I spend my childhood in the safety of my own home, surrounded by love and family and friends, instead of being abducted at the age of 8 to become a child soldier and be forced to kill others, be given as a sex slave, or be killed myself? Why did I dream of rainbows and gardens and unicorns, instead of having nightmares of witnessing my parents be murdered right before my eyes, or of being raped and baring children who would die of hunger or disease, or of the faces of those I was forced to kill?
I thought about how I had been questioning God and His will. How I had been wondering how the same God who delivered me from so much in life, could allow this to happen to people far more innocent and more deserving than myself. And I realized that all this introspection, this existential crisis I had been having here, was like trying to figure out how God created this waterfall. Trying to dissect every drop of water, instead of just admiring its beauty. When it’s not up to me to try and determine His will.
What I should be doing is trying to figure out where I fit in. What my place is—me, just a drop of water—which may seem insignificant, but actually serves as an integral role in God’s creation. And trusting that I might not understand it now, but that it is all part of His will, is the first step to discovering my place on this earth. I am so thankful for this gift from His grace.
“In life, for every question you have… the answer, you will find in nature, if you know where to look.” It’s a line from my favorite movie of all time, The Power of One.
I finally got my answer.
1 comment:
I love your writing. You are an amazing woman Jojo
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