Black girl, eat your heart out

Let me start with a disclosure: this post does not apply to all black women.

But I can predict with 95% confidence (and as of today, I'm exactly 3 months from a higher-level degree in statistics) that if I'm not referring to you, then I probably am referring to someone you know. So take notes... (for them, of course).

About a week ago, I was reading one of my favorite controversy-stirring blogs, and observed an excess of virtual head-snapping and finger-waving taking place over the hot topic of interracial dating. I didn't comment at the time, but some of the arguments were infuriating me in a way by which I did not even realize I could be offended. After all, I usually straddle the fence for most racially-driven topics, being that I come from two very different cultural backgrounds. Furthermore, I always sympathized or identified with some of the arguments being made; even if I didn't agree with them myself, I could see where they were coming from on some levels. But suddenly it hit me, and I realized... I just don't feel that way at all anymore. In fact, I'm adamently against those sentiments, and I've decided finally to take a stand and clarify some things that might cause me to lose some friends - but that need to be said anyway.

So here goes.

Men don't just like me because I'm light-skinned and have long hair. And it's degrading to me that you seem to think so. I have so much to offer a man besides my looks and my ability to make pretty babies. I'm intelligent, vivrant, driven, fun, educated, positive, loyal, spiritual, and a host of other adjectives that make me more than worthy of a good man. Just because a man doesn't want you and does want me does not mean there's some visibly identifiable explanation you can utilize to make yourself feel better. I mean, if you want to raise your self esteem, you should probably try changing the things about you that men don't like, which is not your skin color or your hair. It's probably your stank @$$ attitude.

Mixed/Hispanic/other race/ and yes, even WHITE women are no "easier" than black women. Unless by easy, you mean NOT PETTY. But even then, we'd have to pull out the photo finish on that one. For some reason, some women get it in their minds that everyone else is just lying on their backs waiting for a man to come stick it in, while you, oh nubian princess, are just putting up way too many obstacles for a man to overcome in order to get the juice. The real hard truth is - sorry to inform you - the proportion of black women I know that will put out in a relatively short period of time is similar, if not equal to that of any other race. Furthermore, being in a relationship with ANY woman is a struggle. Ask yourself this: why do you make it so difficult for a man to keep you satisfied, anyway? What are you trying to prove? Because the only person you're hurting is yourself. Then you end up alone and mad that he's "through with black women" based on his experience with you.

No white/latin/mixed woman is out to get your man. And if they are, it's probably a personal vendetta against you and it has nothing to do with your race. Maybe you just have a really good man. You shouldn't bring him out in public so often. But seriously, it really frustrates me when (Becky) starts to date a guy that no one even wanted before she had him, and now all of a sudden, everyone is like, oh, black girls ain't good enough for him, blah blah blah. When he was tryin to get at you, oh beloved brown-skinned beauty, you wouldn't give him the time of day. Now all of a sudden you're mad that he moved on to someone (or something) new? Get over yourself. Stop trying to play the victim and take responsibility for your own actions. There's a reason black men turn to other-race women, and it rarely has to do with effort. It usually has to do with black women letting good men pass them by while they try and work things out with these thugs and sluts, and then wanting them to still be there when they realize Mr. Thug and Mr. Slut will never change. That'll drive even the most devout chocolate-lovers to at least dip in the caramel, if not immerse themselves in milk. Oops, your loss.

Lastly, you are not that different from anyone else. So stop giving me the excuse that you just can't date outside your race because a white or hispanic man will never understand where you come from. Yes, there are things that are unique about the plight of a black woman, but no more unique than anyone else's individual struggles. Black men certainly don't understand black women, so what's the difference, anyway? Stop whining and complaining long enough to see the similarities between you and everyone else, and you won't feel compelled to play the victim card every chance you get. If all good black men are gay or taken by a white woman, then go find yourself a white man (or be gay). And if you don't want to step outside your comfort zone, how dare you accuse a man of wanting something "easy" when you're doing the exact same thing??

The world is a'changing. It's time we let go of lame, tired excuses and embrace our similarities while celebrating our differences.

Trust me - I've been there. It's nothing but a burden.

Just let it go.