No, truly, I have never done such a thing (to my knowledge, anyway).But with all this hype about Alicia Keys breaking up Swizz Beatz’s marriage, a lot of women seem to be busting out the claws and pointing evil glares in the direction of A. Keys. In the past, I would have hopped right on that bandwagon; yet, in light of recent life incidents, allow me to rebut on Miss Keys’ behalf.
First of all, ladies, we ALL live in some glass houses. Hence, stone-throwing seems way out of the question. Most women have at some point seen a man in a happy relationship or marriage and caught themselves looking at him sideways and making some kind of comment along the lines of, “Why can’t I find a man like that?” when in reality, you mean, “Why can’t I have THAT man?” as Chris Rock once suggested. As women, our very nature is jealousy and competition, so seeing anyone with something we want, our first instinct is to prey.
Before you proclaim that “that’s not me”, allow me to point out that unfailingly, without question, every single time I’ve gone out with a remotely attractive guy friend (or just walked down the street with him), some complete stranger female has either glared at me, gave him the eyes, or flat out came up and talked to him the moment I turned my head in the other direction. So if that’s happening 100% of the time, then statistically speaking (and I don’t have to remind you of my job title), there are a lot more of you home-wreckin’-tendency-havin’ women out there than you might want to admit.
Second, if you haven’t been in A. Keys’ shoes, it’s even less advisable to chuck that boulder from within your crystalline home. It’s one thing to be the aggressor and actively pursue a married man. That’s trifflin’. But if a (remotely attractive – and even worse if he’s extremely attractive) married man comes at you consistently and persistently for an extended period of time, it gets more and more difficult to check that moral code of yours. Add to the equation, perhaps, that you and Mister were friends beforehand, you click on several different levels, you have common goals, a common social circle, etc., and see if you don’t find yourself “envisioning” the possibility that he might divorce his wife (for irreconcilable differences, of course, and having nothing at all to do with you) and just-so-happen to find his way into your arms after
It’s a lot easier than you think.
That’s not to say it’s impossible to resist a married man that fits all those descriptions. For some people (like those who have experienced infidelity firsthand, or whose parents divorced due to the same), they might not even flinch. They can just walk away from that friendship completely guilt-free, knowing they didn’t so much as *think* about the possibility. But for most of us (screwed up human being-types), it’s not that easy. At the end of the day, I will reject married man after married man after married man, regardless of the situation. But am I so innocent that I have never found myself daydreaming, falling victim of flirtation, or even flirting back with a man who is otherwise engaged?
Yeah… no. Not at all. I’ve been that girl. And I consider myself a person with a pretty strict moral code. Yet I’m still not so stone cold that I don’t respond in some kind of way to someone’s attraction or attention to me, regardless of how far I will or will not allow it to go.
I mean, after all, I’m only human.
Lastly, we women are way too tough on our own kind. I never understood why there’s so much tension between blacks and Mexicans, when they could just team up and hate white people (if they really just had to hate someone). If we women want to hate on someone in this situation, first and foremost it should be the man. Again, I’m excluding women who flat out hard-core pursue married men (A. Jolie for instance). But for someone like Alicia Keys (who seems to otherwise be a genuine person), dang, can’t we give the girl a break? If we want to be mad at someone, why not Swizzy? I mean, if anyone knew his marital status, it was certainly him. And if anyone can be held responsible for a man stepping out on his wife, or leaving her for another woman, it is without a doubt the man himself.
And even then, refer back to point #1. Why do we want so badly to judge others when we don’t ever look at our own mistakes and failings? I think we all need to get our judgment tendencies in check.
After all, no matter how much Windex I use, it will never fix my broken home.
6 comments:
And here I was thinking I was the only female not gunning for A. Keys head? *sings Bilal's Soul Sista*
So she's dating a married man? And? She's neither the first nor the last. His obligation was to his wife & kids, not hers. I find so cute this female solidarity in response to this situation. Why don't y'all solidify and go after the man that offered the opportunity?
Women like men with women. It's a fact. Go out to your neighborhood watering hole and see it in action. So stop judging. We've all been tempted, but some of us just refuse to not settle for half a man. Not enough, obviously, considering jumpoffs are still numerous.
I think some are just upset that Alicia actually got her man to leave his wife while they've been crossing your fingers in vain for such an improbability.
I'm really torn on the issue.
On one hand, I really feel for Mashonda and her child. They had nothing to do with it, and it sucks.
I do admit I may be a little biased b/c my father cheated on my mom, and it completely destroyed my family for a time.
I was a teenager when it occurred so remember it pretty vividly. While my mom had to deal with the betrayal... I had to deal with the lying that was going on to our faces.
As for me today.. Ive never been married but I have been cheated on, and it's one of the worst pains I've ever had to go through in my life. I can't even imagine how much bad it must be if you get cheated on and youre married and have a kid.
So with that said I can honestly say I still like Alicia Keys and like her music. At the same time I feel very disappointed her. I'm just completely shocked if the allegations are true.
At the same time like you stated we're all human and temptation and the devil are both always around us.
As for Swizz Beatz, I feel no sympathy for that clown. I feel he is a punk for the whole situation and I blame him mostly.
If he felt a deep attraction to A. Keys he should of been honest, addressed it with his wife, and if he couldn't work it out then get a divorce. simple.
I just have no sympathy for liars and cheaters. I repeat all he had to do was to get a divorce, and he and A. Keys would be having a lot easier time right now.
Its obvious, with the fact that Swiss cheated, that something was terribly wrong with their marriage. And that was his and his wife's fault.
Maybe If Mashonda would of been on her job, maybe this would not have happened as well. Who knows...
Either way it's a horrible situation all around.
@Reina... That last point you made had me laughing out loud at work. WOW you hit the nail on the head.
@Shawn I see your point, and honestly, I see both sides of it the same way. I just feel like everyone else seems to be taking one side, so I thought I'd defend the other point of view. I'm not excusing A.Keys' behavior; I'm just saying I know what it's like, and I'd hate for everyone in the world to be judging me based on a mistake of the heart...
" every single time I’ve gone out with a remotely attractive guy friend (or just walked down the street with him), some complete stranger female has either glared at me, gave him the eyes, or flat out came up and talked to him the moment I turned my head in the other direction."
This makes me think of how when my boyfriend and I would go out and the female waitresses would SHAMELESSLY flirt with him. I experienced everything -- from the waitress who wouldn't speak to me, to the waitress who left her phone number on the back of the reciept... I had some bold ones. Really, all I could do was laugh because it was so ridiculous.
I'm also not on the bash Alicia Keys team. I wasn't on the bash Angelina team either. I'm on the "people are gonna do what the hell they want" team.
I do believe you reap what you sow, but in this thing called love--its not determined that he WILL leave or cheat on Alicia, despite that good ol saying we love to use "how you get them is how you lose them" for some people--this shit really works for them! can't say I know of many...but hey. They are gonna do them.
I feel bad that Mashonda is hurting, and I probably wouldve been upset about Alicia's tweets too--but thats why you don't check for her tweets, and her friends filling her head up with the nonsense had a hand in her writing that long message that we probably
shouldn't have been privy to.
@SoAmazin I completely agree with you. We are all human, and thus we all make mistakes especially of the heart. I do feel Alicia Keys is getting most of the blame and that is wrong.
As for me... I really don't blame her at all. Im just disappointed by her.
With her music, her classy image, & the message of womanhood she portrayed, I admit I fell victim to putting her on a pedestal and assuming she could do no wrong.
And as we all know, doing so we are bound to be disappointed, as no one is perfect.
As for Swiss Beatz, I blame him for everything. He is a clown in every sense of the word. He went before his God & his family and said those vows, which I take very seriously.
The public should be blaming him for everything and not A. Keys. Why is the woman always getting blamed when things go bad, and the man gets off unscathed!?!
@Reecie I agree with you 100% about Mashonda. She is probably going through it right now, and Alicia's Tweets probably put her over the top.
And what kind of friend would tell Mashonda to read Alicia Keys tweets, knowing good and well that would make her upset. If she was any real friend she should of never mentioned it to her at all Mashonda. Those types of friends want to see drama and youre downfall.
While I do feel Mashonda was wrong for writing that long ass letter., I am pleasantly surprised that she was being so grown up about it.
If I was married and in a similiar situation, I question whether I could do the same and not want to beat my wife and dude's ass.
Nah, I know I couldn't. Mashonda's better than me.
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