Send Me

I went to this amazing concert last night. It’s kinda weird how it all happened.

One night about a year and a half ago, I was flipping through channels late at night, and for some reason, stopped at a channel that was playing videos. At the time, I didn’t realize they were Christian videos; especially since the video that had just started looked like your average rap/rock compilation and I couldn’t really tell what they were saying at first. But when I started to listen, not only was I impressed by the lyrical genius of both rappers on the stage, but I was moved by the words they were saying. When the final credits came on, I wrote down the names of the artists (Lecrae & Flame), and told myself to google them the next morning. When I did google them, I entered into a world I had never known existed before. Up until this point, every “Gospel rap” song I had ever heard was lame and was some wack stuff I could have written. Not only that, but I had always felt like “Christian rap” was a total oxymoron.

Yet these artists, along with the other artists on their label, were some of the most amazing rappers I had ever heard PERIOD – much less in the gospel genre. Every single one of them possesses a genuine skill in the art of lyricism, delivery, and beats; yet rather than rapping about sex, drugs, and money, they were talking about Christ.

What a concept.

So I found out a few of them were performing in San Antonio last night, and I decided to go. I’m not really sure what I expected. I guess I imagined I’d stay in my seat and listen to the word as if I were at church. But that wasn’t the case at all. The energy and love these people displayed for Christ was contagious, and before long, I found myself jumping up and down like I was at an Onyx concert and throwing my hands up in praise. More than that, I left the concert with a newfound realization of two very fundamental truths:

First, that God has bestowed certain gifts upon us that we should be using to glorify Him. Here I see these people who have the gift of music and spoken word, and they spend every day spreading the word, changing lives, and saving souls. They were given the same gifts as people who are millionaires right now talking about money, cars, and hos. Yet instead, they’ve humbled themselves to share the gospel. And here I am afraid of taking a pay cut in order to do His will. Talk about a pay cut! I know that I’m not doing anything with the gifts He has given me, and this money has left me unfulfilled.

Second, God has already chosen the most amazing and talented people to be on His team. It seems to me that the enemy uses the exact same strategies against God that He created for His glory. It’s as if the devil is not smart enough or strong enough to invent his own weapons, so he uses the same means that God invented to save us, but instead uses them to destroy us.

For instance, God created prophecy so that we might be prepared for attacks from the enemy, yet the devil uses this gift in many people (i.e. psychics, mind-readers) to instill fear or false hope in people. Another example of this is love. God created love as the greatest conqueror of evil, yet the devil uses earthly love to get us to idolize, lust, and avenge. Religion is probably the biggest form of this good turned evil. Created to bring us together as one to worship God, the devil has used this tool as a means to separate us, encourage hate amongst us, and brainwash and control our minds and spirits.

Music, for a lot of people, is beginning to take the place of religion. It’s the way we have come to approach, understand, worship, and even escape God and/or life. I think when God started to see the way the devil was using Religion against him, He invented a new means by which people could spread His gospel – music. Originally, most music was worship-centered and religious-based. Just looking at African American history alone, blues, jazz, rock and roll (rap/hip-hop/R&B’s predecessors) all originated from negro spirituals. Nowadays, this music is all centered around sex, alcohol, drugs, cars, and money. False idols the devil has put in place to keep us from fulfilling God’s purpose in our lives.

Yet God isn’t just sitting back and letting the enemy win. Not only is he enlisting the most talented individuals to join his army from the get, but he’s psyching the devil out by allowing people who were once Rebel generals to hit rock bottom and come over to Union. See Clifford Harris for further detail.

Not only that, but He’s giving those of us who remain indifferent, and who sit comfortably in the middle a chance to choose a side. By exposing us to the fact that we’re at war, He gives us the choice to either continue to be misled by the enemy’s lies or to pick up arms and stand with Him.

Perhaps this hip-hop revelation is the very battlefield that will commence The Revelation.

The time has come for us to decide:

Will we continue to blindly follow the way of the world, and listen to the words of a fallen angel?

Or will we be like Isaiah and stand before God, declaring, “Here I am. Send Me.”

Homewrecking is my favorite passtime

No, truly, I have never done such a thing (to my knowledge, anyway).

But with all this hype about Alicia Keys breaking up Swizz Beatz’s marriage, a lot of women seem to be busting out the claws and pointing evil glares in the direction of A. Keys. In the past, I would have hopped right on that bandwagon; yet, in light of recent life incidents, allow me to rebut on Miss Keys’ behalf.

First of all, ladies, we ALL live in some glass houses. Hence, stone-throwing seems way out of the question. Most women have at some point seen a man in a happy relationship or marriage and caught themselves looking at him sideways and making some kind of comment along the lines of, “Why can’t I find a man like that?” when in reality, you mean, “Why can’t I have THAT man?” as Chris Rock once suggested. As women, our very nature is jealousy and competition, so seeing anyone with something we want, our first instinct is to prey.

Before you proclaim that “that’s not me”, allow me to point out that unfailingly, without question, every single time I’ve gone out with a remotely attractive guy friend (or just walked down the street with him), some complete stranger female has either glared at me, gave him the eyes, or flat out came up and talked to him the moment I turned my head in the other direction. So if that’s happening 100% of the time, then statistically speaking (and I don’t have to remind you of my job title), there are a lot more of you home-wreckin’-tendency-havin’ women out there than you might want to admit.

Second, if you haven’t been in A. Keys’ shoes, it’s even less advisable to chuck that boulder from within your crystalline home. It’s one thing to be the aggressor and actively pursue a married man. That’s trifflin’. But if a (remotely attractive – and even worse if he’s extremely attractive) married man comes at you consistently and persistently for an extended period of time, it gets more and more difficult to check that moral code of yours. Add to the equation, perhaps, that you and Mister were friends beforehand, you click on several different levels, you have common goals, a common social circle, etc., and see if you don’t find yourself “envisioning” the possibility that he might divorce his wife (for irreconcilable differences, of course, and having nothing at all to do with you) and just-so-happen to find his way into your arms after one week of extensive separation.

It’s a lot easier than you think.

That’s not to say it’s impossible to resist a married man that fits all those descriptions. For some people (like those who have experienced infidelity firsthand, or whose parents divorced due to the same), they might not even flinch. They can just walk away from that friendship completely guilt-free, knowing they didn’t so much as *think* about the possibility. But for most of us (screwed up human being-types), it’s not that easy. At the end of the day, I will reject married man after married man after married man, regardless of the situation. But am I so innocent that I have never found myself daydreaming, falling victim of flirtation, or even flirting back with a man who is otherwise engaged?

Yeah… no. Not at all. I’ve been that girl. And I consider myself a person with a pretty strict moral code. Yet I’m still not so stone cold that I don’t respond in some kind of way to someone’s attraction or attention to me, regardless of how far I will or will not allow it to go.

I mean, after all, I’m only human.

Lastly, we women are way too tough on our own kind. I never understood why there’s so much tension between blacks and Mexicans, when they could just team up and hate white people (if they really just had to hate someone). If we women want to hate on someone in this situation, first and foremost it should be the man. Again, I’m excluding women who flat out hard-core pursue married men (A. Jolie for instance). But for someone like Alicia Keys (who seems to otherwise be a genuine person), dang, can’t we give the girl a break? If we want to be mad at someone, why not Swizzy? I mean, if anyone knew his marital status, it was certainly him. And if anyone can be held responsible for a man stepping out on his wife, or leaving her for another woman, it is without a doubt the man himself.

And even then, refer back to point #1. Why do we want so badly to judge others when we don’t ever look at our own mistakes and failings? I think we all need to get our judgment tendencies in check.

After all, no matter how much Windex I use, it will never fix my broken home.

Love his Big Ego

I got some interesting advice today from someone I hold to the highest regard, being a friend, somewhat of a mentor, and spiritual leader to me.

I was talking about how men tend to be intimidated – or rather – feel less adequate as a man around women who are intelligent, successful, opinionated, and educated (especially if it’s at a level equal or better than themselves). Of course this does not include all men; I know some guys who truly appreciate a woman who has it all together, even if it means they get outshined in some ways. But some – and I would venture to even say most – guys seem to want a woman to take a back-seat in a relationship, look up to him and his opinion, and in a lot of ways, give a man a sense of responsibility and leadership in life. In another words, he wants a woman to stroke his ego (no Beyonce`).

So my friend says this: Most women don’t know the secret. And the ones that do are the ones who end up with the good men. Not saying a woman should be submissive and have no opinions or ideas. Just saying that if a woman really wants to have a successful relationship, she has to know that sometimes, it’s best just to let him win. Sometimes you have to make him feel like it was his idea all along when you know you suggested it in the first place. Sometimes you just have to say “Wow honey, you’re so much smarter/stronger/better at this than I am. I dunno what I’d do without you.” And at the end of the day, deep deep down he’ll know you’re the better, but just thinking that you think HE is, is enough for him to want to keep your around.

And as much as I wanted to get on my post-modern post-structuralist feminist platform and curse him out about how his Muslim total submission ideals just set women back 50 years or a few continents to the east, I bit my tongue and practiced his teachings by saying, “You’re right, Chap. Great advice. You're so smart. What would I do without you?” And after the blood rushed back through my body, I started to think about this.

In some ways, he has a valid point (and being that he’s an older, wiser man, I’m willing to consider it). A male ego seems to be a lot like a woman’s heart. We will never understand it, see its purpose, or agree to anything it needs. But at the end of the day, women who are most successful in relationships are the ones who do what they can to keep the male ego(s) happy. Guys will never understand the deep, emotional workings of a woman’s heart. But the ones that just bite their tongue and pretend to care about our feelings and do the things we need them to do or say to make us feel more “secure” in our relationship are the ones that we tend to keep around. Perhaps it’s the same for men with their egos. Perhaps the big secret IS to just suck it up (pause) and give it a little stroke (double pause).

I mean, granted, I can agree that a man is the leader of a household, and should therefore be the leader in a relationship, so in a way, I see how he would need to feel dominant. But can’t he feel good about himself in other ways (like, say, his bedroom performance or ability to change a tire)? Does it always have to come down to brains, careers, and money??

I don’t know. Because on the way home, I shared these opinions with my (less – uh - colorful) man friend, and he seemed to suggest the complete opposite was true. His opinion was that a man who needs a woman to make him feel better about himself and more secure in his masculinity was not a man at all, and certainly not worthy of a good woman. Most guys “he knows” want a woman to challenge his thinking, call him out on his stuff, and drive him both intellectually and physically. And even though I think some of these men are talking real big game to their guy friends and at the end of the day, really do want a woman they can dominate (no CB), I actually believe that what he’s saying is true also.

Which leads me to the big question: Is this “ego” problem merely a black/minority phenomenon or does it apply to all men? Is there something in black/Hispanic/Arabic culture that drives men to feel the need for a constant ego boost from a woman, or does this bleed through color lines? Does the constant degradation of black (and Hispanic) men in our society and the media cause them to look to other means to boost themselves back up? Are minority women bearing the burden of hundreds of years of oppression and damaged self-worth? Who is bearing OUR burden? SHOULD it be our job to dumb ourselves down or downplay our success/education in order to make a man feel better about himself? Or is it just catering to the complex needs of a man the way he (should) cater to our own?

I need some answers.

Guys, HONESTLY, do you tend to gravitate toward women who “wanna be saved”, or do you TRULY appreciate a successful woman, even if she’s more successful than you? Could you honestly be in a relationship with someone more intelligent, or who makes more money than you do?

Ladies, do you find yourself biting your tongue, and singing praises about your man’s “big ego” just to make sure he feels good about himself? Or do you, like me, find yourself single most of the time because you refuse to fall back when you know you’re right?

Don’t get me wrong… I love a big ego as much as the next girl. But is it really my job is stroke it???

You tell me.

Return to me

When I think about all the time I lost,
All the people I hurt, all the pain I caused,
I think about everything I’ve done wrong
And how I’ve been astray for so long,
I begin to feel like there’s no way back;
Like I’ve used up all the chances I had.
And just when I think all hope is gone,
He’s standing there with open arms.

“Return to me,”
I hear Him say.
He says He’ll take the hurt away.
I know that I have caused Him pain,
But still I hear Him call my name.
I’ve tried so hard to put up a fight.
I went left when He said to go right;
And yet He still holds out His hand,
“Return to me,”
He says again.

So many times, He’s taken me back,
And set my feet on the right path;
I thought I had been born again,
Then found my way right back to sin.
And there I made the same mistakes,
And when he sought me, I hid my face.
I thought that it was just too late,
But He stood there with His saving grace,

“Return to me,”
I heard Him say.
He said He’d take the hurt away.
I knew that I had caused Him pain,
But still I heard Him call my name.
I tried so hard to put up a fight.
I went left when He said to go right;
And yet He still held out His hand,
“Return to me,”
He said again.

This time, I’m going to do it right.
I’ll walk the path of His heavenly light.
I won’t lose sight of His great plan.
I’ll hold on to His unchanging hand.
But if I fall back into sin,
I know he’ll pick me up again.
I won’t deserve it, but He’ll set me free
With these three words:
“Return to me.”

Stupid people are stupid

My nephew came to visit me this weekend. We had an awesome weekend filled with non-stop action and fun. I love being around that kid because he showers me with genuine love and affection, and serves as a constant reminder that no matter how bad life gets, it could always be worse (and even still, he’d be smiling). He’s one of those rare kids that actually appreciates the little things in life, like sitting around playing cards or going for walks or just chatting quietly about whatever. One of those that you look up to because you realize that even as an adult, you don’t quite have the hold on life that he seems to grasp. And other people can see it, too, because everywhere we go, he seems to bring out the best in everyone around him.

On the other hand, hanging out with my nephew also tends to bring about a deluge of some very different emotions in me: like anger, sadness, and resentment. Sadness because I know how much it must hurt him to see kids running around and doing all kinds of things he’ll probably never do. Resentment because I wonder how someone so pure, so innocent, could have been dealt such a crappy hand. And anger, because going anywhere with a child in a wheelchair is the perfect opportunity to highlight the stupidity in stupid people.

Please allow me to acknowledge them now.

People who point/stare or do not check their kids for pointing/staring. Some of the worst beatings I can remember were for just that. And I’m thankful for parents who understood the necessity to break these habits in me. People act like my nephew can’t see them staring at him just because he’s in a wheelchair. He’s handicapped, morons, not blind. One time, this little girl came up and just stood right next to our table at a restaurant and just stared for like 5 minutes. Her parents didn’t even say anything to her, either. When she ran back to her table and slipped on some soda (that I had just spilled – oh, sweet irony) and fell on her butt and started crying, I chuckled quietly and wondered if I had actually willed that to happen. Teach your kids some manners, folks.

People who talk to 9-year old kids like their babies just because they’re in a wheelchair. I think this is my nephew’s least favorite stupid. Don’t you think he feels infantile enough that he can’t go to the bathroom on his own or bathe himself? Don’t you think someone who gets carried everywhere he goes already feels belittled? Now you want to talk down to him and make him feel even smaller because you don’t understand that physical disabilities are not the same as mental ones? And even if he did have a mental disability, he’s 9 freakin’ years old!! If I could bottle up the face he gives people who talk down to him, and market it and put it on a t-shirt, it would take the place of the middle finger as the international symbol for “F^@& YOU @$$hole”.

People who call physically disabled people “RETARDED”. Just typing that word increases my heart rate (not even exaggerating). I once had someone argue the point with me that “retarded” was the medically correct term for it. Really??? Mental retardation is my nephew’s diagnosis?? All this time I thought he had a physical disability, and you, with your bachelor’s degree have managed to prove nine years of doctors wrong. Thanks for clearing that up. Now that I know that’s the universal word for any type of disability, I’ll keep that in mind when you’re pointing, staring, and talking like a baby to my nephew; I shouldn’t be offended because you might just be “retarded.”

People who park in handicapped spots, and then walk perfectly able-bodied into a building. I don’t care whose car you’re driving, or what jack@$$ doctor actually signed the forms for you to park in the handicapped spot. I actually have a WHEELCHAIR to unload, which is what the handicapped spots are for in the first place. Every time I see somebody’s grandmother struggling in her walker from the back row while they park in the handicapped “just to run in real quick”, I want to Me, Myself, & Irene-style take a trashcan and slam it into their windshield. There are times when I can’t even take my nephew somewhere because there’s no place to unload his wheelchair. Once, I even had to unload it at the front of the mall, leave it there, and then park far away and carry him to the chair. All because of stupid people. And “running in real quick” is not an excuse to park in the handicapped spot, either. The fact that you have the ability to “run in real quick” negates the whole disabled thing. Take the extra 10 seconds and stop being a lazy @$$.

I may or may not be talking about you. If I am, good. Because the purpose of this entry is that I know not everyone is blessed with the opportunity to know someone that makes them think about things differently, and so I wanted to spread the wealth.

Have more compassion and education regarding people with disabilities. It could save you from a lot of bad karma. Just remember – when we take for granted the basic human rights that God has blessed us with, He will take them away. And I promise, your abilities mean more to you than you know.

Don’t be stupid.

All my single... Dads?

In the near 25 years of my life until now, I can honestly say that I’ve probably met all of two single Dads, and I’m pretty sure both of them were single as a result of a deceased or mentally unfit wife.

I moved to San Antonio, and that number exponentiated. I now know of about 8.

Two of them are really close friends, which leads me to believe there are a LOT more out there that I just haven’t had the pleasure of meeting.

Now when I say “single Dad”, I’m not talking about someone who is SINGLE and has bastards. I know too many of those. I’m also not talking about someone who gets their kids on the weekend, or for one week out of the year. What I’m talking about are men whose exes are completely alive and stable, yet they have full custody of their children for at least 6 months out of the year (and most of them—my 2 friends included—have 100% full custody), and there is no other woman living in their home.

Now think about that for a minute. How many of these guys do you know?

I’m imagining that number is close to 0.

What I’ve noticed from becoming close to some of these extraordinary gentlemen is that the plight of the single Dad is so different from that of a single Mom. Granted, there are a lot of similarities. There are also some unintended bonuses: like that women actually think it’s HOT (for a short while) for a man to be a single Dad, whereas men don’t exactly flock to single Moms. I also imagine society (particularly the work world) probably tends to be a lot more lenient with single Dads because it is such a less understood phenomenon (i.e. single Dads are probably aloud a lot more leeway with coming in late, leaving early, and taking days off for the sake of their kids). Yet there are a lot of things that make the plight of a single Dad particularly admirable, so if you will, allow me to marvel.

Single Dads don’t have friends that are willing to watch their kids. I mean, yes, they probably have female friends, but one thing I’ve heard from my close single Dad friends is that usually, they are weary of letting close female friends be around their kids too much because they might get attached, or they might feel like the women are using their kids to get close to them. I never thought about it like that before, but it makes total sense. So if you only trust people of the same gender with your children (as most women do), you’re pretty much screwed. Because I don’t know a lot of men who will watch their homeboy’s kids for them while they go out on a date or run errands. So they end up scratching the dating game right off their list. Which leads me to my second point.

Single Dads find it harder to bring significant others around their kids. This isn’t to say that single Moms don’t do the same. But I think I definitely see the distinction here. Children with absent mothers tend to look for that womanly affection or comfort more adamantly than they look for guidance and protection from a father – usually the desperate need for father figures comes a bit later in life. For younger children, they need emotion, love, and comfort that generally only women can provide. So by bringing a woman around, you risk the chance of (both parties) getting overly attached, and if things don’t work out, it leaves a very messy situation.

It’s more difficult for single Dads to tap in to that “Mommy” side than it is for single Moms to tap into their “Daddy” side. What I mean is that our society does not encourage men to be emotional, expressive, tender, or vulnerable. So when the mother is out of the picture, a man has to take on roles that up until this point have been foreign to him. The traditional roles of a Daddy: protection, guidance, discipline, and strength, are a lot easier for a woman to take on because it is not dissuaded (as much) for women to have these traits in our society. So in a sense, women are somewhat built by nature (and nurture) to be able to handle single parenting; whereas men are most definitely not.

Single Dads have a lot less of an (emotional) support system in place than single Moms. I’m not saying it’s easy for single Moms. But most single women know other single mothers that they can talk to, and who understand what they’re going through. Even though I know 6 single Dads in this one city, none of them knows each other, and all of them say the same thing when I tell them I know a handful of other single Dads: “What?!? You mean there’s other guys out there like me?? And here I thought I was special…” Sounds like a joke, but I know it stems from a very difficult feeling of loneliness, and even resentment. Because it’s hard. There aren’t exactly a plethora of support groups built around single fatherhood. And if they talk about their vulnerabilities to anyone, they might think he’s weak or less of a man. Single Moms can cry every single day, have a nervous breakdown, seek counseling, and probably even commit herself, and no one will think anything of it because we all sympathize with the plight of the single mother (these days, most of us were even products of one). Yet if a single Dad shows one sign of weakness, he’s still just a man crying, and who wants to see that?

So… I’d like to take the time to give a shout out to all my single Dads out there handlin’ their business. Keep grinding. ;-) It’ll all be worth it in the end.

Now put your hands up, Uh uh oh Uh uh Oh oh oh oh Oh Oh oh.

I see you.